Every time I go to a certain coffee shop, I order my Americano from a barista with a delicate little treble clef tattooed on his big neck. I like the treble clef – it’s a curvy and sinuous, feminine symbol. I want that tattoo.

My sister thinks I’d regret a tattoo when I’m old and fat. But I think I’ll probably stay 110 pounds and never get flabby forever, and never have kids who would use my small, subtle tattoo to justify their big and obnoxious tattoos.

I want a tattoo when the task of writing stories that seem to satisfy no one – least of all the people who pay to read them – wears me into a thin and two-dimensional, flat version of myself. I think I’d take a quiet satisfaction knowing that my morally upright readers have no idea they are getting the news from a girl who has etched an extremely edgy deaths-head eighth note (or perhaps a suicidal teddy bear) into her hip.

But I hear it’s unwise to get permanent body art when you’re blind-drunk on job woes. So I console myself with a new belly-button ring and find when I put it in that it still seems too big and blingy. Then I remember that I pierced my bellybutton in a similar state of passive-aggressive rebellion and decide to handle my issues in a less drastic way — like a cathartic post on this blog, which at least I sometimes like — and get a tattoo on my flaccid neck some day when I’m rebelling against something else — being old and fat and retired.


~ by stultiloquence on May 14, 2008.

7 Responses to “Tattoos”

  1. I’m planning to join you soon in your navel-pierced state of iniquity. Maybe we could get matching belly button rings.

  2. I’m getting a tattoo, but I don’t think I can get myself to get either the edgy deaths-head eighth note or suicidal teddy-bear. And the hip is way out of the question.

  3. Ian — good for you. Tattoos are HOT.

    Abby — I’m so glad that you’re piercing your belly button. You won’t regret it. Maybe you could get a tattoo somewhere your hubby wouldn’t see it. haha … Or not.

  4. Ian’s going with a seductive lower-back tattoo, actually.

    I was thinking tinkerbell on my ankle, and maybe “MOM” on my biceps.

  5. I thought Ian’s tattoo was on his shoulder. Ian, are you getting a tramp stamp?! Mark, your devotion to your mom is priceless.

  6. i have come to the conclusion that a lot of ugly people have tattoos. it doesn’t mean that tattoos are ugly, but it does make me kind of long for my white yuppie middle class alma mater. i’ll miss mocking you for what i actually love about you, college!

  7. […] was the aforementioned burly, musically tattooed barista. There was the scrawny, scrappy also musically tattooed barista — perhaps the only bearded […]

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